Old Moon

Thursday, December 30, 2010

On the Eve...

Even as a child, I remember being in some way relieved after the Christmas holiday season was over--even if school had started again, even if the weather was going to get worse before it got better, even if I had received whatever I might have had on my list. (I don't remember ever writing a list, but can't believe I didn't!)

I have begun to wonder if I'm simply lacking in some desirable human trait. Could it be that we're doomed to disappointment the minute we have expectations? No, that can't be it, because by the time we've been around a few decades, we've discovered how often some things (relationships and meals and movies, for example) turn out way beyond the best we envisioned.

Is it that we're just tired after the excitement fades? In childhood and age, I believe that may have something to do with it.

Now it occurs to me that as time affects our perception of it (changing its relationship with our sense of its length according to how much of it we've been through), we gradually realize that ends mean we're on the verge of something new and thus unknown. At this time of the year, it's that eve of a New Year that we see before us.

Curiosity or uneasiness or merely anticipation can all cause some psychic discomfort, but I seem to be one who is glad to have all that tension become a thing--not of the past, but of the here-and-now. When you have to remember to change the date when you write a check, you know you're launched, and there's no going back. You pull up your socks, take a deep breath, and prepare to face ahead and get on with it.

So, New Year wishes to us all! Good ones!

A new set of submissions, a renewed search for an agent, a new project, renewed hope...and not just for ourselves.

1 comment:

Glenda Beall said...

Your post reminds me that I was always sad on Christmas day. It never lived up to my expectations and I couldn't have told you my expectations at the time.
But now I think I wanted something more meaningful than opening gifts. And now, at this age, gifts mean so little to me. My gifts to others, I want to be meaningful.
What is precious becomes more precious through the lense looking back. And memories seem to rise to the top of the list.