Old Moon

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Imp on My Shoulder

I knew there was a disadvantage to beginning to write a blog, but when I started I wasn't sure which of several possibilities it would turn out to be. At the moment, uppermost is the requirement of producing posts on a regular basis. Along with my disaffection with volunteerism, I'm getting to a place where I don't want to look at the date on the last post!

Didn't we tell each other when we moved to a "retirement community" that one of its appeals was the first word in that phrase? It didn't take a month to show us the naivete of such a notion. Things are getting a bit desperate around here nowadays because people who came when we did are 15 years older, dozens have passed to their reward, and the newcomers (too few and far between owing to the housing market crash--most people sell a house to pay the entry fee) tend to be already relying on walkers, suffering from macular degeneration, or too deaf to converse. All this makes them unlikely prospects for committees, offices in the association, or even decent bridge.

I passed my 80th a while back. I don't want to do this any more. Most of the people I know well don't either. The Decorating Committee petered out a couple of years ago. Trying to persuade somebody to take an office on the Residents Association Board is getting to a place where it involves bribery, extortion, or blackmail. I've already refused to be on the nominating committee again.

Shouldn't I be spending my time and available energy on writing -- as opposed to blogging? Furthermore, I can't help thinking I have a right to claim these September Days for myself. But there's always an voice whispering in my ear that of course I can -- serve on this or that deserving committee, polish the brass candlesticks, weed the flowers, and give this spot an occasional word or two in case anyone might be reading it. On the other hand, I'm still lucky enough to be healthy if not hearty, and possessed of my faculties.

So now the guilt rises up again. These moans aren't worth bothering with. Well, maybe next week when I finish helping with rewriting the handbook, have the third meeting on revising the scholarship application forms, and get the next issue of the newsletter out (thank goodness, it's only 2 a year I have to deal with), I can make some sage or funny comment about what I'd rather be doing--and it isn't fishing!


Glenda Beall said...

Joan, you amaze me. I don't volunteer for anything anymore. I am like the others who live near you. I learned to say no and I stick with it.
My problem is all the things I WANT to do but just don't have the energy or time to do them.
I do lots of self talk these days. "If I don't do it, will it matter in a year? If I don't finish this office, can I still work here, write here?"
Today I said I wish I could clone myself and maybe I could get accomplished the many, many projects I have planned in my mind.

JLC said...

Just my point! That two-letter word could sometimes be sanity-saving, and most of us with a conscience have to figure out a way to say it!
Your energy and dedication keep me in awe! I don't dare try to drive to strange places any more without someone in the car with me to read signs and keep me following instructions.
Besides that, you have such a creative talent that you always have numerous projects in mind. That's certainly one way to keep looking ahead instead of the reverse.
You're an inspiration!